


the void

by stydiaxdestiel



Category: teen wolf - Fandom
Genre: Alcohol Abuse, Angst, Drug Abuse, F/M, Self Harm, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-11
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-25 21:18:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4976908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stydiaxdestiel/pseuds/stydiaxdestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>•trigger warning-includes suicidal actions and self harming <br/>•!spoilers! for season 3b including major character deaths<br/>•stiles is suffering from severe anxiety, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts and addiction after being exorcised from the nogitsune<br/>•stydia</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> this story is also posted on my wattpad account, lidhartley. follow me please :) 
> 
> I'm sorry if this upsets anyone, it does contain possible triggers so please don't read if you will feel triggered. 
> 
> I wrote this because I believed that stiles got over the nogitsune ordeal way too fast, it was barely spoken about after it finished.
> 
> this does veer off from season fours plot line but ifgaf :)
> 
> I don't own any of the characters mentioned in the story apart from my three original characters. 
> 
> hope you enjoy <3

stiles had just assumed the nightmares would stop once the nogitsune was gone.   
boy, was he wrong.   
at 3am he woke up, sweating and afraid, his mind replaying everything he did while he was possessed.   
it had been like this everything night since he was 'cured'.   
every time he tried to sleep, his brain would mentally pull up a list of everything evil he had done. it doesn't matter that it was the nogitsune-stiles knew that if he hadn't been so weak, so unbelievably human, that the nogitsune wouldn't have been able to take over-and those people wouldn't have suffered. his friends wouldn't have suffered. 

groaning as he turned on his lamp, he rolled out of bed and went to get a glass of water from the bathroom.   
'jeez, stiles. you looking freaking dreadful.'   
he hadn't told anyone about the voice he heard in his head, he's heard him so long that he didn't think it mattered. when his mom died, he had started getting headaches a lot, and eventually it turned into this. he wasn't crazy though, he knew that. it was him, his own voice, just talking to him.   
while the nogitsune had been in him he hadn't heard a word from other stiles. (let's call him void just for the bants)  
void was right though. stiles really did look a mess. running a hand through His coarse black hair, stiles noted the large purple bags under his eyes and the unusually pale(even for him)pallor of his skin.   
stiles opened the bathroom cabinet to get his toothbrush, and for the first time noticed all the small orange bottles stacked to the back of the cabinet.   
he read the label on one of the bottles, 'desipramine'. he recognised that, it was his dad's old depression prescription. he knew his dad never took the stuff, he was convinced he could get better on his own, but stiles had made him pay for it anyway.   
curiosity getting the better of him, stiles read the label to see what the pills had in them.   
amphetamines? they kept you awake right? stiles could do with that right now, every time he shut his eyes he had a damn nightmare.   
he counted the bottles in the cabinet. 6 bottles, all containing 8 pills...his dad wouldn't notice if one or two pills were missing, it's not like he ever planned on using them. before he could change his mind, stiles had popped the cap of the bottle and taken two of the pills, washing them down with cold water.   
well, he didn't feel any different. maybe it took some time to kick in. he walked back to his room, booted up the computer, and got into researching about banshees. he'd promised Lydia he would help her muddle through being a banshee, so he might as well learn some stuff about them, right? 

stiles alarm went off at 6am, startling him. he looked at the computer screen, amazed at how fast the time had gone, at how easy it had been. no guilt, no nightmares...he could get used to that.   
stiles got ready for school slowly, taking more time than usual to tie his laces and get dressed. school was the worst. he knew his friends didn't blame him for what happened to Allison and Aiden, but he blamed himself and he couldn't bear to see the rift he had created in the group.   
his hands started shaking, and his vision started to go blurry.   
stiles hadn't had a panic attack since the one where...  
'Lydia doesn't want you stiles, she never has and she never will. she doesn't see you that way. to her your just some dorky kid who was having a panic attack, and she acted on impulse. nothing more.'   
stiles tried to push voids ramblings to the back of his mind. he was going to fight this panic attack. he breathed deeply, in for 5, out for 5, until his breathing had evened out. grabbing his bag and his phone he was about to leave, when he decided he better take 2 more of the pills, just to make sure he didn't fall asleep at school. he hadn't had any sleep after all.


	2. chapter 2

stiles arrived at school slightly more agitated than usual. parking his jeep in the schools lot, he swung his backpack over his shoulder and sauntered up to meet Scott at the steps of beacon hills high school.  
'stiles! dude, there's a party on Friday at violet burkes house, are you gonna come?'  
'yeah sure, don't see why not. do you want to come in the jeep? it'll be easier.'  
'yeah that'll be good, thanks bro. pick me up Friday at 8?'  
'alright. now. have you done that essay we were asked to write for Harris? because I haven't done it. and he's literally going to eat me. and I don't want to get eaten, Scott. I am worth more than that.'  
'stiles chill, Harris' car isn't here so he's probably off sick or something. stiles? are you okay...you smell kinda weird...'  
'dude, your not supposed to comment about people's body odour. and yeah I'm fine. just gotta get to class.'

stiles patted Scott on the back and proceeded to walk up the steps towards the entrance. Scott, puzzled, stood waiting for kira. something had been off about stiles' emotional scent. he just didn't know what. 

by lunchtime, stiles was tired. really tired. his eyes were drooping and he knew he would fall asleep soon...he needed some more of those pills, just to get him through the rest of the day. 

'stiles. hey, stiles? where are you going?'  
stiles spun round to see Lydia Martin, strawberry blonde beauty, flash him a smile and then a questioning face. 

'oh hey Lydia...I was just um, gonna nip home I uh forgot my phone.'  
'oh. okay! well do you want to come over later? I could do with a study partner, for English, and um, we always work well together.'  
'yeah sure, call me later and let me know what time you want me there okay?'  
'okay. bye, stiles.'

stiles wandered off across the parking lot, wiping sweat from his brow. why did he lie to Lydia? why didn't he just tell her he was going to get his medication?  
oh right, yeah. because it wasn't his medication he was taking. but still, it's not a big deal, he's not a freaking junkie.  
'Lydia doesn't want you to study. she wants you to sit with her and listen to her pour her heart out over some guy she got busy with who then left her the morning after. she's using you.'  
stiles shook his head, trying to ignore voids whispers. but, it kinda was true. he had been madly in love with Lydia since the third grade, but it was unreturned. 

Lydia watched stiles as he drove away in his jeep, wondering why he just lied to her. why did he say he was going to get his phone when she could see it in his pocket? something seemed off about stiles, but kira and malia approached her and so she shut her bad feelings out. 

stiles never bothered going back into school. he only skipped gym and economics anyway, and he doubted coach would miss him.  
lying back on his bed he took a deep breath and thought about everything.  
he remembered setting the Oni on his friends. he killed Allison and Aiden. he killed them.  
the nogitsune had spoke to him, while he was possessed. it told him that everything it was doing, was what stiles secretly wanted, and stiles was beginning to feel more and more like that was the case.  
Allison had taken his best friend away from him, and she died. aiden had taken Lydia away from him, and he died too.  
it really was his fault.  
holding back tears, stiles stood and looked around his room.  
the pack didn't need him, he was kidding himself if he thought otherwise. he was just a human. a hyperactive spaz. stiles wandered into the bathroom and looked in the mirror.  
'who are you?'  
void whispered in his head.  
stiles stared grimly at his reflection.  
he hated the way he looked. he didn't like his hair, the way it stuck up all over the place. he didn't like his eyes, they were the colour of mud. his skin was pale and made him look ill. he was a skinny, scrawny boy, who was kidding himself that he could be great.  
stiles punched straight through the glass in the mirror in a fit of rage.  
blood seeped from his knuckles as he stared at his hands, shocked at what he had just done.  
his eyes moved upwards, and fixed on the bottles of pills. without thinking, stiles grabbed a bottle and shoved it in his pocket, and then took two pills from another bottle and swallowed them dry. 

Lydia waited patiently for stiles to pick up the phone. he answered on the third ring.  
'hello? Lydia?'  
'stiles, hey. do you still wanna study tonight?'  
'of course I do Lyds. what time shall I come round?'  
'can you come soon? maybe in an hour or something?'  
'yeah sure. I'll pick up some coffee on the way.'  
'thanks, stiles. see you soon.'  
'bye Lydia.'

stiles paced his kitchen. how was he going to explain his hand to Lydia? oh yeah hey Lydia I had a psycho moment and punched through a mirror!  
great, he'd screwed up again.  
stiles grabbed a bandage from his first aid kit but there were no antiseptic wipes left. sighing, he went to his dad's cabinet and grabbed a bottle of cheap whisky. leaning over the kitchen sink, he cleaned his wounds, and bandaged them up, the smell of whisky making him wrinkle his nose.  
curiosity got the better of him though, because he had never tasted whisky. vodka yes, whisky, no.  
putting the bottle to his lips he took a long gulp, and was surprised to find that it wasn't actually too bad. he chucked to himself lightly, and screwed the cap on the bottle, before making the offhand decision to take it with him.  
he took a swig every so often, even while driving to Lydia's. he felt badass, drinking and driving. this was good. because he was human, he could get drunk easier than Scott, and he hadn't had the chance to drink in a long time.


	3. chapter 3

stiles swerved his jeep into Lydia's driveway, parking up and yawning.  
glancing at the clock, it was just after 7pm. he had hours of studying to do with Lydia and he couldn't risk falling asleep. reaching into his bag he grabbed the pills and took two, washing them down with a large mouthful of whisky. wiping his mouth, he took his bag and walked to Lydia's front door, knocking three times as he always had done.  
when Lydia answered the door her nose wrinkled slightly, and she cocked her head to the side looking oddly at stiles. 

'what, Lydia? do I have something on my face?' stiles wiped his mouth again, confusion spreading through his body.  
'no, but you smell like whisky. stiles...are you drunk?'  
'Lydia, do I look drunk? I was pouring my dad a glass and spilt some on me, that's probably why I smell like crap.'

Lydia nodded her head in a silent 'ok' and moved aside to let stiles into the house. she locked the door and followed stiles upstairs to her room, thankful that she had cleaned up. something was playing on her mind though, a nagging thought that she couldn't push. stiles dad was the sheriff, so he worked really late hours, at least until 10pm...so why had stiles told her he was pouring his dad a drink? brushing those thoughts aside she stifled a laugh when she saw stiles, sprawled out across her queen sized bed, unpacking books and pens from his bag. a small orange tub fell out of his bag, and rattled as he quickly shoved it back in. 

'what's that stiles? in the orange bottle?'  
'my adderall. for my adhd, you know that Lyds.'  
'yeah sorry I forgot. right, so this assignment we have...any ideas? I'm completely stuck.' 

stiles smiled at Lydia, and opened his English notebook. 

'well, let's get started then.'

it was around 12:30pm when stiles left Lydia's, having watched the girl slowly fall into a peaceful sleep. he had tucked her up in bed after cleaning up their English work, and taken her shoes off for her. the icy air hit him hard as he fumbled with the keys for his jeep, his whole body shivering.  
'should have brought a jacket you douche'  
'shut up!' stiles said, before he realised he was talking to himself.  
finally managing to get the jeep open, he made himself comfortable in the seats and finished off what was left of the whisky. it was a nice feeling-he wasn't drunk, but everything was warm and fuzzy. he liked feeling like this. chucking the empty bottle out of the window into a nearby bush as he reversed from Lydia's driveway, he wondered wether his dad would be home from the station. probably not, considering all that had happened these past few months...because of him.  
sheriff stilinski could barely even look at his son anymore, knowing what he had done while he was possessed. that was the worst thing, stiles knew his father blamed him, but he wouldn't say anything to stiles because he was his son. 

groaning inwardly, stiles checked his clock. 5am. he had been up, reading lore on the supernatural since he got home. he shakily got to his feet, and walked to the bathroom to take a shower.  
'wash it all away, everything you did. like it never happened. your friends? they're all ignoring what you did. what you became. you're a monster. you killed your best friends first love, because you were jealous. you killed your first loves boyfriend, because you were jealous. they're going to realise soon stiles, and then you'll have no one.'  
stiles let the hot water run down his body, shuddering at the thought of his possession. he was weak, because he let the nogitsune in. he was weaker still because he couldn't get over it. stiles began to cry, hot tears mixing with the shower water. he slid down the wall and sat in the bottom of the shower, curled in a ball. it was all his fault. Allison and Aiden deserved to live, they were good people. it should have been him, he should have died.  
stiles noticed the silver of a razorblade, lying at the side of the shower. picking it up, he ran his finger along the blade, feeling a sharp pain, then satisfaction as he drew blood.  
he extended his bare arm, and slowly ran the razor along it, porcelain pillowing red. he carried on, and on, and on, going deeper and deeper. one, two, three, four, five...he counted sixteen cuts in total. one for every year he had lived this pointless life. stiles dropped the blade, and washed off his body, watching the deep red water fade to pink, then go clear. stepping out the shower, he dried himself off, then raced down to the kitchen to get a bandage.  
what had he done?  
if anyone sees this...what will he say?  
but stiles doesn't really care, because he knows no one else will care, not really. he's getting the punishment he deserves.  
eyeing the drinks cabinet again, he delves in and picks up a bottle of vodka. retreating to his room, he gets himself dressed and ready for school, covering the bandage on his arm with a flannel shirt. the one on his hand however is a different story...Lydia hadn't asked about it, but he knew she noticed it. proof enough that she didn't care. 

stiles shoved another bottle of pills in his bag, and filled a water bottle with the vodka, hiding the rest under his pillow. he called out to his dad that he was leaving for school, but received silence as an answer. 

he didn't feel like talking to anyone today. so he didn't go to school. he drove, for what seemed like hours, until he found his favourite place. the woods where he, his mom and his dad used to go before she died. trudging through the woods, stiles got to a craggy edge, at the bottom of which was an indigo pool. 

he lay besides the rocks for hours on end, every so often gulping on his vodka, and adding a pill into the mix. he wasn't going to sleep, because that's when the nightmares happened.  
he couldn't remember the last time he slept, but he wasn't tired. the amphetamines were making sure of that.


	4. chapter 4

stiles groggily answered his phone. he hadn't been asleep..but he hadn't exactly been awake. he'd been in a state of euphoria, probably from the pills and alcohol. 

'stiles? why weren't you at school today?'  
'oh. hey Scott. yeah, I didn't feel too good this morning so I took the day off. won't have missed much.'   
'are you feeling better now? listen if you still feel rough you don't need to come to violets party tonight, I can go with Isaac instead.'   
'no. um, no I'm feeling a lot better now actually Scott. I'll be round to pick you up at 8, don't keep me waiting bro.'  
'okay stiles. well, I'll see you later then.'

stiles clicked off the phone call, sighing to himself. he had completely forgotten about that party. oh well, at least it was an excuse to get wasted.   
picking up his stuff, he headed back to his jeep. 6pm, great, now he had to get home and get ready, and get to Scott's, all for some stupid party.   
he took a deep breath and a long drink of the vodka, popping 2 more pills in his mouth with ease. this ought to keep him awake at this boring party. 

Scott heard stiles coming up the stairs, so quickly put on a shirt and opened his door. Scott however was not very good at hiding shock, and so when he saw stiles, white as a sheet, huge purpely red bags under his eyes, and reeking of something he couldn't quite put his finger on, Scott's mouth almost looked like an O. 

'dude. why are you staring at me. Scott. I don't swing that way man, last time I checked neither do you.'   
'sorry..stiles are you sure your okay, you really do look like crap.'  
'wow, thanks Scott, I got all dressed up for nothing then.' stiles winked at his friend to show him he was joking, and looked in Scott's mirror.   
damn, he really did look like crap. he looked almost as bad as when the nogitsune possessed him.   
'that's because you are crap.'  
void was at it again. stiles pushed him out of his thoughts. 

'ready to go then Scott?'  
'yeah. hey do you think kira's going to come tonight? I kind of feel bad for her because she's new and she's been thrown in the deep end...'  
'Scott. everyone's going to be there...Lydia or malia will bring kira.'

Scott and stiles clambered into the jeep, stiles dreading the 15 minute journey. he just really didn't feel like talking, but Scott would assume that something was wrong. 

'stiles. stiles. dude you've just driven straight past violets.'  
'what? oh. I, um...parking up.'  
'dude there was space on her driveway...are you sure your okay? you haven't been yourself lately..' Scott cringed at his poor choice of words, remembering the time when stiles was possessed by the nogitsune. 

'yeah, well, if you hadn't noticed Scott, I wasn't myself lately.' stiles couldn't understand why he was so easily bothered by people asking if he was okay.   
'sorry. but stiles...the packs here for you bro.'

stiles nodded in response to Scott's answer, his hands shaking as he locked up the jeep and walked towards the front door of violets house. Scott was lively and fun, saying hi to everyone, putting on a brave face despite having lost Alison. stiles however, was jumpy and closed off, avoiding conversation with everyone.   
making the excuse of needing the bathroom, stiles rushes upstairs to get away from everyone. thinking about the pills in his pocket, he wonders if they will make the night any more enjoyable.   
but his thoughts are cut short when he opens the bathroom door, and finds two people, a boy and a girl, in their late teens most likely. they were hovered over the counter, lines of bluish white powder arranged neatly.   
stiles gapes at them, and squeezes the bottle of pills in his hand. 

'sorry...I um...' stiles was cut off by the girl, who looked like a cheap version of Lydia...she had dyed red hair, the same kind of clothes, but shorter, she was pretty...but she had a harshness to her face.   
'it's alright sunshine. join the party, I see you've brought a gift.'   
the girl uncurled stiles' fist, and took the bottle for inspection.   
'hmm. this could be fun...I'm hanna.'   
stiles gaped at the girl, before stuttering his name in response.   
'you are adorable, stiles. this, is Lucas.'   
the boy, Lucas, waved at stiles and perched on the edge of the bath tub. 

hanna walked over to the door, locking the three of them inside. she opened stiles pill bottle, and took out three pills, laying them down on the counter. she then took out a bag of the bluish-White powder, and made two more neat lines.   
reaching into her bag, she pulled out a bottle, filled with something called absinthe.   
looking stiles up and down, she sauntered over and gave him a slight push.   
'come on big boy, don't tell me your too good to try something bad every once in a while.'   
Lucas proceeded to snort two lines of the mysterious powder, followed by a pill, washed down with a large glug of absinthe.   
then Hanna did the same, eyes popping as she snorted up the powder.   
Lucas laughed at stiles' nervous face, and comforted him.   
'stiles. it's fine. it's not going to harm you, it'll just make things a little more...fun.'

straightening his shoulders, stiles nodded and stooped over the lines. he grabbed the rolled up 10 dollar bill that Hanna and Lucas had used, and quickly snorted the first line.  
that wasn't too bad. he could easily do the other. stooping lower, he snorted the second line, and quickly grabbed the pill and bottle of absinthe. shoving the pill in his mouth, he downed two mouthfuls of absinthe, and flashed Hanna and Lucas a grin.   
'see, that was fine wasn't it? well done stiles. considering this was your first time, you did that pretty well.'   
'thanks Hanna, Lucas. I needed something to get my mind off...things.'   
'riiight. I'm gonna give you my number, you seem like you could do with a little fun sometimes.'   
Lucas grabbed stiles phone from his pocket and added himself as a contact. 

half an hour later, Scott and Lydia had a hushed conversation.   
'I can smell something really wrong on stiles. and look at the way he's acting...do you think the nogitsune is back?'  
Scott glanced over at stiles, who was sat on his own, drumming his fingers on the table, a bottle in front of him. his absent minded stare scared Scott-it reminded him of the nogitsune stiles.   
'Scott, he's not possessed. he's high as a kite. look at his eyes-what your smelling is probably drugs!' Lydia's jaw clenched and she walked over to stiles, picking up his bottle of vodka and taking a long drink. 

'hey Lyds whassup.' stiles words weren't slurred, but she could see how dilated his eyes were and he stunk of alcohol.   
'stiles. are you high?'   
'what? no! Lydia why would you think that?'   
'no reason. just wondering. your eyes are just pretty dilated. probably from the drink though.' 

walking back over to Scott, she grabbed his arm and took him into another room.

'I don't believe him. he looks off his head. scott, tell me the truth. was stiles lying to me?'   
'no. I listened and his heartbeat stayed exactly the same...even sober stiles wouldn't be able to manipulate his heartbeat like that. I think he's just drunk...stiles would never take drugs anyway Lydia, you know that.'   
'he's just been acting so strange lately...skipping school, isolating himself from us. I don't know, it just fits. I just have this feeling...'   
'I know he feels awkward around us because of the whole nogitsune ordeal...he just needs some time. give it time, Lydia.' 

nodding her head, she peeked round the doorway, but stiles was nowhere to be found. sighing, she told Scott she was leaving. this party was sucky anyway.


	5. chapter 5

stiles was going insane. void was constantly in his head, telling him he was worthless, blaming him for the deaths of his friends. stiles couldn't take it. every time he slept, he was awake within 15 minutes because of the nightmares. he must have had only 3 hours in almost 5 days.   
he shuffled into the bathroom, his veins coursing with what he was about to do. leaning over the sink, he took out his razor, and began along his arms. one for Alison. one for Aiden. one for Scott...one for Lydia. the list got longer. names jumbling in his head, cuts deeper and deeper until his whole forearm was stained deep red and dripping madly into the sink.   
stiles stared down at the mess, wondering how deep he would have to cut to kill himself. he wasn't going to, obviously. he just needed to take precaution about how deep he did it.   
cleaning himself up, he bandaged his cuts, not paying attention to the blood slowly seeping through his bandage. 

walking into his room, he grabbed a bottle of whisky he had bought. well, he had paid someone 10 bucks to buy it for him from the gas station.   
taking large mouthfuls, one after the other, he didn't stop until he heard a knock at his door.   
putting the cap on the bottle and leaving it on his chest of drawers, stiles flung a flannel shirt on, and sprinted downstairs. opening the door, Scott's face instantly turned concerned. 

'stiles. when was the last time you slept?'   
stiles lifted his arm, running a hand through his hair. he was about to tell Scott he was fine, spin off a lie, when Scott grabbed his arm.   
'you stink of blood...are you hurt?' stiles shuddered at Scott's grasp on his cuts, shaking his head and pulling his arm away. the tug caused one of the deeper wounds to re open, and stiles could see Scott's eyes twitch to his arm.   
'what have you done stiles?'  
'nothing! Scott why are you here? have you just come to accuse me of things or do you have a decent reason?'   
'dude, were studying at Lydia's remember. kira's coming over too. don't tell me you forgot...'   
Scott was still looking uncertainly at stiles arm, but he pushed it away. not stiles. stiles was okay.   
stiles furthered his thoughts by shooting Scott a smile and teasing him. 

'I was just testing you. I'll just go grab my stuff, be down in five.'  stiles ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, quickly replacing his bandages. he was shocked at how deep he had cut, but nothing could be done now. heading into his room, he grabbed his whisky and downed the other half of the bottle.   
he didn't acknowledge his coat lying on the bed, didn't realise his pills were in the pocket. 

half an hour later, Scott, stiles and kira were sat in Lydia's room, studying with the strawberry blonde, 5'3, green eyed beauty herself. 

stiles could feel his eyes shutting, and made an excuse to go to the bathroom, taking his bag with him. searching for his pills desperately, he found nothing.   
crap. he was just going to have to stay awake with no help now.   
walking back into Lydia's room he faked a smile and sat down next to Lydia, Scott and kira opposite them on the bed.   
he zoned out as all the study talk continued, and leaned back against the headboard. 

'stiles? stiles wake up. stiles!'   
stiles jumped at Lydia's voice, stretching his arms out in shock. he looked at Lydia's clock. 12:30pm...he'd been asleep for 3 hours, without any nightmares. thank god.   
'stiles we need to talk.'   
oh god, he really did not feel like talking, but the look on Lydia's face kept him in place. his head was aching and he was getting hot flashes, and his hands were shaking. crawling to the edge of Lydia's bed to sit next to her, he innocently smiled. 

'what's up Lyds?'   
'when did you do this?' Lydia grabbed stiles hand gently and rolled his sleeve up, showing the blood stained bandage had ridden up his arm and failed to conceal his cuts. stiles stared in Lydia's face in horror. he was so ashamed.   
'you ruined it stiles. now she's never going to love you back. who wants a worthless, messed up boyfriend.' void would not shut up, but stiles needed to answer Lydia's question. he looked at her face. she was worried, and upset, he could see it in her eyes. 

'I..I'm sorry Lyds. I just...couldn't.' 

Lydia pressed her forehead against stiles' holding her breath before speaking.   
'stiles why didn't you talk to me. I'm supposed to be here for you. I'm your anchor.' Lydia really did look heartbroken, so stiles decided to be honest. for the first time in weeks, he was honest. 

Lydia sat listening, offering comfort when she thought necessary. she was in shock. but she had been right-stiles had been taking drugs, drinking. she had known something was up with him. when stiles finished talking, he looked at her, and her heart broke into a million pieces. he looked so vulnerable. 

'stiles, this isn't what we saved you for. none of this is your fault. your not worthless, you never will be. the pack needs you, especially me. what would I do without you? what would Scott do? stiles, please don't go down this path. please, I'm begging you. anything you need, I'll support you and help you, but you have to promise me you won't ever do this-any of this-ever again. please stiles. promise me?'   
stiles looked at Lydia, her makeup removed and her hair shoved behind her ears messily. she was still perfect in every way. taking a deep breath, he looked her in the eyes. 

'I promise Lydia. I promise...I'm sorry. I really am sorry. but promise me something too...don't tell Scott. don't tell anyone...please. I can't deal with them all knowing.'   
'okay stiles. despite how much I want to tell Scott, because he can help, I won't. because I value what we have more than that. I value you more than that. so I promise. and I promise to never stop caring for you stiles, ever. because I love you. I love you stiles stilinski.'

Lydia leaned forward, pressing her lips gently against stiles'. stiles felt his heart stop, the blood rushing to his head. he slowly grasped Lydia's hand in his sweaty Palm as he kissed back.   
stiles knew he would be okay. the banshee would keep her promise, he knew it, and he would keep his.


	6. the final chapter

stiles woke up to see the sun shining through the curtains in the room. sighing deeply, he looked to his left side and smiled when he saw the strawberry blonde curled up next to him.   
Lydia Martin loved him...she loved him. he'd been waiting for this moment since the third grade, but now it was here he didn't know what to do.   
you don't deserve this.  
groaning quietly, stiles' began to breathe faster as he realised that the voice of void wasn't gone.   
you killed her best friend, stiles. you killed her boyfriend...she'll never love you, not really.  
stiles looked Lydia's face as she slept peacefully, and his heart clenched.   
she wouldn't have said it unless it was the truth, would she?   
this was going to be one hard journey for stiles...but he'd made a promise to Lydia. he had to keep that promise...he couldn't hurt her anymore than he already had.   
stiles hands began to shake and he began sweating profusely.   
you've been awake for five minutes and you already have withdrawal symptoms...pathetic. man up, or lose her.   
trying to control his breathing, stiles shifted into a more comfortable position, waking Lydia as he did so. 

'stiles? hey...how're you feeling?'  
'I don't know...happy more than anything. but I'm a little bit scared...haha fancy that. I've literally got a werewolf for a best friend and I'm scared of a little bit of withdrawal.'  
'you don't need to be ashamed, stiles. I'm here for you, you know that. anything you need to talk about, anytime you need to talk, I'll be here for you. we promised each other remember?'  
'yeah I remember lyds. thankyou.'  
'I meant it stiles. everything I said last night...I meant every word.'  
'I...so did I. I mean you already knew I loved you...kind of obvious considering I've had the biggest crush ever on you since like third grade...'  
'I know...I'm sorry I never acted on it. I was just..scared? I don't know. something just kept telling me 'you can't be like this with stiles! you'll ruin what you already have!' and I was so, so terrified of ruining us that I ignored it all...'  
'it's okay. trust me, you're worth the wait.'  
'thank you stiles.'  
'your welcome lyds.'

half an hour later, and stiles was in the kitchen making toast for himself and Lydia. they hadn't discussed last nights topic further yet, but he knew he'd have to talk about it soon.  
and as for telling Scott...  
he'd meant it when he said he didn't want Lydia to tell him.   
but he wasn't sure wether it was time for him to talk to Scott...after all he was his best friend.  
Scott is going to be so disappointed in you stiles. he'll never look at you the same if you tell him. 

'shut up!'  
'stiles? are you okay? who are you talking to?'  
'oh, um, hi lyds...didn't see you there. no one, ahem, it doesn't matter.'  
'stiles, be honest with me.'  
'I was talking to...to myself. just to really confirm how insane I am...wow. who would've thought, Stiles stilinski, completely batty. coach is going to love this...'  
'stiles, you are not insane, I promise you. you've been through a lot...we all have, but you especially...that's going to put a lot of strain on your mind.'  
'I guess so. sorry if I scared you all...I didn't mean for things to go so far.'  
'I know. we all know...we should have been there for you. I should have been there for you...I'm your anchor...'  
'you're here for me now though, aren't you. that's what counts. I'll be okay lyds, I just need some time.'  
'I mean it you know. I do love you...I'm sorry it took me so long to realise it.' 

stiles smiled to himself and drank in the beauty of the woman in front of him. how could something this amazing have happened after everything? maybe every cloud always did have a silver lining.

'I love you too, Lydia Martin.'

 

a couple of hours later, and stiles was sat in his kitchen, Lydia's arms wrapped round him. there was a plate of toast on the table and stiles had a glass of water by him, but he couldn't drink or eat. anxiety was crippling him and the only thing keeping him from having a full blown panic attack was feeling the warmth from Lydia's body as she cuddled him. 

the doorbell rang, and Lydia gave stiles a reassuring pat on the shoulder before going to answer the door. 

stiles fiddled with his bandage, resisting the urge to pick at the scabs. today was the day he was going to tell the pack the truth...to be perfectly honest he didn't care what any of them thought, except Scott. Scott was his best friend...he needed Scott.   
Scotts going to think your so pathetic. look at you...you started cutting yourself and taking drugs because of some poxy demonic possession. he lost his first love, stiles. grow a pair of balls.

'stop talking.'  
stiles leaned forward, his head in his hands, just as Scott and the rest of the pack walked in. Lydia placed herself next to stiles and Scott sat on his other side, before pulling him into a warm hug.   
'hey buddy. how are you doing?'  
'I'm okay now Scott. I just need to get things...out in the open, with the pack. no more secrets.'  
'okay. whenever your ready.'

Lydia grabbed stiles' hand under the table, and gently squeezed it, reassuring stiles silently that she supported him. he turned and gave her a weak smile, before turning to face the people in front of him. 

Lydia was on his left side, then Isaac, Derek, malia, kira, and finally Scott. deaton and Melissa stood near Scott and kira, and the sheriff stood directly behind his son and the banshee, a hand on each of their shoulders. 

'phew. okay. here we go...guys, don't laugh at me. please?'  
'stiles we would never laugh about something this serious.'  
'okay. thanks guys. right. well...it's a long story, but I guess I'll start at the beginning.  
basically, after...after the nogitsune, and...and Alison and aiden, I got kind of depressed. I could hear him talking in my head...I still do. but it's not as bad! but yeah...it kind of got to me...I didn't want to talk to anyone, I'm sorry. I should have asked for help...but, I was ashamed. because it was my fault after all, for being so weak. I let the nogitsune in...I caused Alison and aiden to die.'

the sheriff clenched his hand on stiles shoulder and stiles saw Scott wipe a tear from his face, but he carried on. 

'and so I got kind of sad. and a little angry. with myself, obviously. and I tried to avoid sleeping, because I had these awful...horrid nightmares. and then it got into a habit...tired? pill. sad? pill. feel anything? pill. and I just got swept up...I didn't realise how bad it had gotten until Lydia...she saw the results of me...hurting myself. I wasn't planning on people finding out but she saw and I couldn't keep it in! but she helped me...like I know you all could have. and I'm so, so sorry I hurt you guys. I promise, no more. no more drugs all the time, no more drinking all the time, no more self harming...I'm sorry. I really am...'

'stiles, we all love you so much...you talk to me, ya hear? you talk to me whenever you need to okay buddy? your like a brother to me...I love you bro.' Scott grabbed stiles again and pulled him in for a tight hug. 

'son, your mother would be so proud of you if she knew everything you've been through. I love you so much, you idiot. if you ever feel like doing this again, you talk to one of us okay? because if I lose you...'  
the sheriff wiped a tear from his face and pulled his son into the tightest embrace he had ever had. 

by this point stiles had tears pouring down his face, tear tracks staining his cheeks.   
one by one the group supported stiles and expressed their feelings, and soon everyone but Lydia had moved to a different room. 

stiles and Lydia sat next to each other at the table, fingers entwined, Lydia humming the tune to a song and stiles staring awestruck at her. 

'I'm proud of you, you know that right? you've been so strong...I love you, stiles stilinski.'

stiles heart leapt when he heard her say that. 

'thank you...for everything. for always believing me, and trusting me, and being here for me. I love you Lydia Martin.' 

stiles grabbed Lydia's hands and pulled her into a soft kiss, their lips ghosting together as the sun glinted off glasses in the cupboard. 

'one more thing...'  
'yes stiles?'  
'are we like...dating now?'  
'yes stiles.'

this time it was the banshee who closed the distance between them, her hands clutching onto the boys brown hair and her heart fluttering like a thousand butterflies were trapped between her ribcage. 

stiles knew that everything was going to be okay. from the moment he accepted help from his friends and family, he knew he would be okay. 

 

two lily petals floated along the ground of beacon hills cemetery, twisting and turning through the wind. one white, and pure as snow, one orange, fiery and bright. 

on the cemetery bench, sat two teenagers, a boy and a girl. the boy, with short dark blonde hair, laughed wholeheartedly before plucking the orange lily petal from thin air. the girl, with pale skin and dark brown hair, grabbed the white lily petal, and took the boys hand in hers.   
'I told you they would be okay.'

the two teenagers smiled at each other, and just as suddenly as they had appeared they seemed to dissipate into the light, shimmering dust leaving the space where they were once sat empty. 

 

~end~


End file.
